Asking to get things done
I often find when people talk about their relationships that there is a tendency to recall specific moments. Conversations. Gestures. They are snipping a moment in time from the fabric of their relationship and using it to represent the bigger picture.
The responses of today are examined in detail, and the trigger is often seen to be the action immediately preceding the behaviour – “I said this, and then my partner completely overreacted”, “ I can’t believe how she responded to a simple request” , “All I asked him to do was take out the rubbish” – Sounding familiar?
When we find ourselves responding or reacting to something our partner has said or done we are only operating on a very superficial level. The cause and effect in a relationship is woven into the fabric of your lives. Your response today is a reflection of how you were both behaving two, or three, or ten steps earlier, last week or the week before.I believe that I am 100% responsible for the quality of my relationship with my partner. Is that true? It’s hard to say – but choosing responsibility sure beats playing the victim or martyr in my life.
To truly create an extraordinary relationship you must be willing to ask yourself a better quality of question.
When your partner is feeling less connected, ask yourself "What did I miss last week?" and even more than that “Who was I being last week that created this sense of lack for them?” And then bring more of that. When your partner is all loved up, notice what you did well last week, and even more than that, ask yourself “ who was I being last week that created this fulfilment for them?” and then bring more of that!
Because the problem is never the problem. What you think is the root of the issue is only ever a symptom that something needs to change. Love is a long game, and requires continuous reflection and adjustment. It’s not them, it’s you. Always.
Curious to know more? Check out our Unlocking love (lite) program here.
Tara works with couples to create the same structures & systems in their relationship as their business, from the mindset of success to implementing the day-to-day strategies and tactics required to create a loving, passionate, joyful relationship.
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